5am... "I really should go back to sleep, but I can't stop my thoughts." This happens to me a lot. I used to LOVE sleep. Now I just don't get much of it.
Early morning is when I think about my boy. For those that don't know, he passed away in an auto accident in August of 2017. There were 5 kids in the car, he was the only one who died... thank goodness. I came to the realization that this accident was finally his way to cross over and truly complete his purpose as spirit. He made sure the other kids, though their lives are changed forever, would be ok. My boy struggled in this life. Lots of ups and downs, but we never gave up. I got a tattoo of a Pheonix for him when he was 15, and now, next to it is a shooting star for his spirit. You can read a little about his journey here.
He comes and visits every now and then, shares his humor by toying with our cat, and sometimes just lays his head on my shoulder. I am grateful that I am able to still connect with him.
His sister misses him terribly. I lay awake hoping she can finally face a school day without breaking down. 7:30am... No luck. She is sad, anxious, and overwhelmed at the idea of walking into school. Of course she is! They were best friends. We share stories about him that make us laugh to calm the tears. Finally she sleeps again.
As sad as we get sometimes, we remember with a lot of happy tears and laughter. We talk about him all the time. We will never "get better", but we will learn to live with it. My girl and I are excited about a new house that we are building (more on that in another post!), and have found a special place just for our boy. He will always be remembered as silly, genius, musical, crafty, and SO loving.
And, it's Day 2 with no alcohol. I actually went out to a restaurant (big trigger for me to order a glass of wine!) and just had lemon water. It wasn't a challenge at all, but again... it's only Day 2 :) Love and Light