We all go through different stages in our lives. At times we are focused on our education, careers, and other times we focus on family, traveling, retirement, etc. I'm finding that right now, I'm in a place that is both enlightening and challenging at the same time.
Looking back, I went through pretty "normal" (I use that term loosely lol) stages in my life. I enjoyed my childhood which included school, gymnastics, dance, and my friends and family. In college, I bucked the system a bit by taking a break after 2 years. I worked 2 jobs to stay busy, earn a living, and have my own apartment. I did return to school after 18 months to earn my Bachelors Degree in Psychology, and continued to coach gymnastics (a passion of mine) for many years.
The next stage was marriage and children. I was 23 when I got married. Still a child, really, but we were in love and ready to tackle life together. At 26, I had My Boy. (My goal was to have my kids before 30 so we could enjoy them while we were still young and full of energy, lol) We decided that I would be a Stay at Home Mom. It was so important to me to have my children be with family while they grew up, and luckily we had the means to make that work. I spent every day enjoying watching My Boy giggle at new discoveries, crawl, walk and talk. When he turned 2, we moved to a bigger home, and set our sites on our next baby.
My girl was born when I was 29. Oh, what a gift that was! I'm that person who does not want to know the gender of my baby before birth. I like the surprise! There are MANY boys in both of our families, so I figured I was having another boy. The entire room yelled, "It's a GIRL!!" I couldn't believe my ears. Thank you, thank you, thank you God for this gift.
For the next 13 years, I was a Stay at Home Mom. Yes, I dabbled in businesses here and there. I sold custom purses and bags, I taught Tai Kwon Do, I worked as a PERA Educator in the kids' school, I was a Brand Partner for Nerium, and a choreographer for gymnastics. But my priority has been, and always will be my children.
The last few years of my marriage, my personal and spiritual growth became my second priority. This led me to discover my healing gifts. I've always known that I was meant to heal, my hands would buzz with this crazy feeling I could never explain. I was in the middle of a Biofeedback Session, when the practitioner looked at me and asked if I knew about Reiki. That explains the tingling and temperature changes in my hands! Since that day, I have become a Reiki Master and AccessBars Practitioner. (You can read about those on the Energy Healing Tab of this site) I also studied from home to become a Certified Health Coach. And, voila, the birth of The Wellness Garden!
I was so happy and at peace with the growth and knowledge I was acquiring, but I didn't realize how much I was changing in my husband's eyes. I was shifting too quickly, and he became unfamiliar with me, and uncomfortable with who I was becoming. I was becoming strong, independent, and clear of my path. Our life, what was once important to both of us, was no longer something I wanted or envisioned. He became irritated with me, and, as you read in a prior blog, turned to another woman with whom he chose to share his life.
So there I was at the next stage. Teenage kids, my own business, and on my own. I found a wonderful man to share life's moments with. Until the loss of My Boy. My world came to a screeching halt. How can I be a good mom to my daughter when I don't even want to wake up in the morning? How can I be a healer when I'm completely broken? Who am I? The Universe answered the second question for me when both of my office locations shut down within a week of each other. "Time to grieve, time to heal, time to nourish yourself."
I don't feel like I'm actually in a life stage right now. I'm in limbo, and this is a very challenging place for me to be. I'm a person who likes organization and direction. But, I keep listening to my Guides and Angels. This is where I'm supposed to be. I have the time and means to be here while my daughter struggles with her grief. And I take many hours a day for spiritual study, meditation, and coaching. I am nurturing my true self.
This morning, I went on a meditation journey with the intent and question of "What is the next stage in my career?" I was shown a beautiful landscape of light purple sparkling crystals growing tall. I walked through them with a beautiful Winter Goddess who then led me to an open expanse. It was a clear winter night sky, white crystal stars in the sky, and a body of water at our feet reflecting the light. "Be open to the beautiful opportunities coming your way." Not a clear answer, but it was so CLEAR that everything is going to be ok. And when the opportunity(ies) are presented I will KNOW the right ones. Love and Light