Life after a broken relationship is never easy. One day you're in what you thought was a loving relationship, sharing your innermost thoughts and dreams, creating memories you had thought would last forever, devoting your everything into the person you love. You've built a connection with this person that dives deep into the core of your being. Then, things change. People change. Maybe it's not a healthy relationship like you thought. You part ways. But that deep connection still exists, and now it is just pain. Sometimes that pain is so much that you feel stuck with the heartbreak. How can you ever release this pain, and move on?
In a romantic relationship, not only do we have a physical and emotional connection with someone, but we also have an energetic connection. This is called a cord. We can have multiple energy cords from a single person. They can attach in our 7 basic energy centers, or chakras. When you think of this person, you can actually feel where the cord is attached inside of you. Most often it's the heart, stomach and mind. Using Reiki and visualization, I've found that people can heal from the pain, cut the painful cords, and re-create a connection that is based on love and forgiveness (of self and for them).
So give this a try-- close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Envision a container above you made with ultra-violet light. This container will capture and transmute any negative feelings, emotions and energy surrounding the relationship. Now, see your old partner in front of you. Look for any cords that connect the two of you. Most likely, there will be many. Remember which one is strongest, you'll feel it in your body. For all the other cords, envision a silver sword of light. Gently, and with love, use that sword to remove the cords from your body, and ask your partner to do the same. Keep taking deep breaths, and release the energy to your container.
The final cord is most important. Here, we re-frame the attachment from pain to love. Starting from where it is attached to you, change the cord to a golden ribbon, and send it to your partner. This golden ribbon is pure love. No judgement, no pain. It is releasing both you and your partner to a higher state of being. This ribbon opens up space for grace, forgiveness, and finally knowing that you'll be ok, and so will they. Take a few more deep breaths and feel yourself surrounded by and filled with the golden light of love. Aaahhh...
People don't often realize how helpful it is to experience energy work after heartbreak. Reiki combined with this exercise is extremely helpful. As a practitioner, I help move the negative energy out of the body, and facilitate with the cord cutting. There is hope that you will move on and be happy again. We all deserve to live with love, light, joy and bliss.
In the 2 years since I've lost My Boy, I have felt every emotion under the sun. Shock, disbelief, sadness, depression, anxiety, fear, anger, and most recently, guilt. All of the other feelings I expected, and rolled with them. But guilt has been a tricky one.
For some, the guilt can arise from being angry at the loved one for leaving. How dare they leave us here to live this life without them! For others, it's the guilt that something different could've been done to save your loved one. Medical procedures, therapy, different doctors, etc. For me, it has recently been the guilt of finally having some Joy in my life again. I know My Boy wants me to be happy, I can sense him cheering me on on the sidelines. But the feeling of Joy is extremely foreign, and seems unfitting compared to all the others.
Little by little, especially after the 2 year mark, I've noticed that I wake up feeling motivated to move and to create. It's as if a whole new light is shining in my life that brings hope. So, I create. My main focus is my business and helping others. Then guilt says, "You can't be successful while grieving." I take walks in the sun, and soak in all the beauty around me, which I hadn't really noticed since his loss. Then a pang of guilt hits. My mind says, "You shouldn't feel happy."
To help with this, I have begun to add meditations that come from the heart space and get me out of my head. Each time my mind tries to instill guilt, I take a deep breath, and from my heart space I remind myself, "I am allowed to feel Joy, and so it is." It is an ongoing exercise that I hope will become more automatic, and eventually the Gift of Living in Joy will prevail.
I have also begun to use Biofeedback to work through the layers of guilt. First touching the physical stressors, and working on relaxation training. Then I dig deeper into the emotional connection in my body and spirit. Each session I am able to release the deep emotions from the loss, and start to create the emotions I want to feel again. I instill Love, Joy, and Bliss during every session, and it has made a huge difference in my day to day functioning.
I want to bring this healing to everyone who has been through trauma or loss. Because eventually we DO come out the dark depths of grief, and we deserve to live in Love, Joy and Light.