Vulnerability... Not a state in which many of us like to find ourselves. When a person goes through painful experiences, they have no choice but to become vulnerable at some point. I found myself here yesterday, Day 5.
After being so incredibly busy with getting the house ready to sell, I have put off getting my hair done. Yes, for us ladies, this is a big deal. It was another sign of neglecting myself. So, following my promise of self-care, I set the appointment.
As soon as I sat in the chair I wanted to cry. There I was staring at myself in the mirror. Tired eyes, worn out posture, and thin hair. See, there's something nobody tells you when you go through great amounts of stress-- Your hair falls out. Literally, I've lost half of my hair. My hair is so much of ME, my personality, my comfort. I had long, thick, curly hair. I loved it! Now, it's thin, wispy, frizzy and short. The hardest appointment for me to face since I lost my boy is the hair dresser.
Thank goodness I love my stylist, Jillyn (J Salon, in Parker) I've known her for years. She's met both of my kiddos, we've shared amazing stories and tears, and she has been so supportive. And no matter how vulnerable I feel when I come in, I always leave feeling beautiful. She's a genius with hair!
Strength... Last night I went to our local hangout with my boyfriend and all of our friends. This was my first time actually being in the bar, in front of my friends since I started this journey. Let me just say that I have an amazing group of friends. Everyone was so supportive. I was not like the elephant in the room. Instead, we talked openly about my journey, and how I was not drinking. Whew, big step!
I have to say, I was nervous about entering that situation. I normally don't get on a dance floor until I've had a drink or a shot. But instead, I felt energized by my friends and being sober! I had more fun than I've had in a long time.
So today, Day 6, I'm riding that strength. It felt great to wake up clear-minded and ready to face my day. I have 10 showings on my house today!!! I'm ready for the gym, and to face the public. I'm not kicking myself for drinking so much the night before, and feeling like s#*t. I'm not obsessing over whether or not I'll drink tonight. I just know I won't, and that's a HUGE relief! Love and Light
Today, I want to showcase my girl. Quite honestly, she is the epitome of Love, true Love.
A Course in Miracles shows us that "Love is one. It has no separate parts and no degrees; no kinds nor levels, no divergencies and no distinctions. It is like itself, unchanged throughout. It never alters with a person or a circumstance. It is the Heart of God, and also of His Son."
My girls sees everyone and everything in our world this way. She has always been like that. When she was just a baby, you could see the love in her eyes as she looked at her brother, as she looked at me and her dad. She giggled with love and delight at all animals. As she grew, she always showed kindness to new people that she met, and would make sure they knew they were loved.
She understands that all people are different (gender identification, sexuality, culture, etc.) and loves them all the same. Tonight we watched the movie Love, Simon. I absolutely loved watching her watch this film. Her entire body reacted to what the characters were feeling. She is everyone's biggest cheerleader!
My girl has had a rough go the last couple years. Losing the family unit and the safety net of married parents. Learning to live in 2 houses. Then losing her brother, her best friend. The grief is so much that she is battling severe depression and anxiety. Her Self Love is struggling, that's the hardest to witness. This beautiful, witty, smart, creative, WISE girl is buried in the loss. Yet, she continues show Love to so many-- Her dad and I, our new loves, and their children. She shows kindness to her teachers and classmates, and fellow adolescents facing similar struggles.
She knows she's different in that way. She asked me the other day why people are the way they are. Why do they react so quickly with anger, sarcasm, self pity. Why can't everyone just love one another? Why do I have to be so different, mama? I admire her wisdom. Not everyone is like us Baby Girl, we have to keep being who we are in order for other humans to grow. It's not always easy, especially when we're feeling beat down. Yet, she continues to LOVE.
My girl even showed me love on the nights that I had one too many drinks. She'd make fun of me, which I totally earned lol. But I don't want her to remember me that way. I love her too much for that. We are so close, and I never want anything to come between us if I can help it. So on this Day 4, I challenged myself. Before the movie, she and I went to Earls, where I usually order my favorite glass of wine with my favorite salad. Temptation hit me. I knew I wouldn't order any wine, but the WANT was there. BIG TIME. I think I had 5 glasses of lemon water instead lol.
I recommend learning what true love is, whether it is through the Course, your religious/spiritual teachings, etc. It is beautiful gift. I love you my Baby Girl for showing me every day what that is. Love and Light
It's a miracle! Over 7 hours of sleep last night, that's unheard of lately, lol. Woke up next to my girl, knowing she's safe and resting. I began the morning with lots of energy ready to face the tasks and appointments ahead of me.
Back when the kids were in elementary school, my routine was predictable and enjoyable. Wake kids, drive to school, workout, errands, work on home-based business, pick up kids, homework, dinner, snuggles and bedtime. I would read for an hour and fall fast asleep for at least 8 hours. That was heaven to me!
A little over 2 years ago that all changed. I sold my home where I raised my children. We lived in a hotel room (me, 2 kids, a cat and bird) until we found the house where I currently live. I still drove the kids to school, then worked at my Wellness business. After picking the kids up, we would have early dinners at restaurants (first 2 glasses of wine), then curl up in bed at the hotel and watch That 70's Show. Meanwhile, I continued to drink wine as the evening went on. It was my coping mechanism. And as the years went on, this became my evening routine.
Today, I made my first appointment, rested and clear headed. On the way home, I became incredibly tired (grief will do that to you). As much as I wanted to crawl back in bed, I was determined to workout, and see if my energy would increase. I'm glad I did! I was alert afterward and received lots of good news! My current home is getting LOTS of attention on Zillow (showings start on Friday), and I also learned that I close on my new house on May 21! I had a successful second appointment in the afternoon--Taxes are done LOL!
I felt a good sense of momentum today. Completing tasks, and going in public have been a huge challenge the last 6 months, and today I faced them like a champ. It's Day 3 with no alcohol and I feel great. Normally I would've "celebrated" my day with, you guessed it- wine. Instead I have my favorite health drink from Nerium, Youth Factor. Cheers! Love and Light
5am... "I really should go back to sleep, but I can't stop my thoughts." This happens to me a lot. I used to LOVE sleep. Now I just don't get much of it.
Early morning is when I think about my boy. For those that don't know, he passed away in an auto accident in August of 2017. There were 5 kids in the car, he was the only one who died... thank goodness. I came to the realization that this accident was finally his way to cross over and truly complete his purpose as spirit. He made sure the other kids, though their lives are changed forever, would be ok. My boy struggled in this life. Lots of ups and downs, but we never gave up. I got a tattoo of a Pheonix for him when he was 15, and now, next to it is a shooting star for his spirit. You can read a little about his journey here.
He comes and visits every now and then, shares his humor by toying with our cat, and sometimes just lays his head on my shoulder. I am grateful that I am able to still connect with him.
His sister misses him terribly. I lay awake hoping she can finally face a school day without breaking down. 7:30am... No luck. She is sad, anxious, and overwhelmed at the idea of walking into school. Of course she is! They were best friends. We share stories about him that make us laugh to calm the tears. Finally she sleeps again.
As sad as we get sometimes, we remember with a lot of happy tears and laughter. We talk about him all the time. We will never "get better", but we will learn to live with it. My girl and I are excited about a new house that we are building (more on that in another post!), and have found a special place just for our boy. He will always be remembered as silly, genius, musical, crafty, and SO loving.
And, it's Day 2 with no alcohol. I actually went out to a restaurant (big trigger for me to order a glass of wine!) and just had lemon water. It wasn't a challenge at all, but again... it's only Day 2 :) Love and Light
Day 1. Have you ever received a message so clearly that you MUST follow through? Well, I was given one yesterday, so here I am. I am a spiritual person, a lightworker, an intuitive, a healer. Now and then I receive messages from my guides and angels, and this one was a biggie.
See, the last few years have thrown me such a curveball, that I have completely rearranged my life because I had to. Everything has changed. Where I live, my relationships, my level of spirituality, and how I see the world. I have had to be strong when I just want to crawl into a dark hole. I have shown a brave face to the outside world, when inside I'm breaking. I am in the middle of a Dark Night of the Soul. Yet, I have a purpose. And now it's time to share my story. Hopefully it can touch those who can relate, and maybe help heal a little, too.
So why 30 DAYS? It's time to put myself first again. To live healthy and feel good! I've stopped exercising. I don't have healthy sleep patterns anymore. And, I have had a crutch through these past few years. Alcohol. Social drinks on the weekends with friends has turned into consuming at least 2 drinks almost every day. So the message that came to me was "Starting on the Holy day of Easter, you will honor yourself, love yourself, and take care of yourself. You will be renewed." It was followed with instructions to not take a sip of alcohol for 30 Days, and to blog each day. The blog will include my journey of self care while incorporating my experiences the last few years.
So on this first day, I spent Easter with my beautiful daughter, my mom and my brother. We shared the warm Colorado sunshine and ate a wonderful meal together. I'm off to bed with a prayer that tomorrow brings me the strength and clarity for this journey. Love and Light
Kids. A parent's most valued, cherished accomplishment. When asked what parents want for their children, the majority will say "happiness". We love to see our children growing, thriving, loving and laughing. But what happens when all that seems to be taken away by difficulties we don't always understand? We search, research, and eventually find help in the form of doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. Sometimes the child is diagnosed with one or multiple "disorders". What then? We try various therapies, medications, tests, classroom adjustments, and even hospitalization in some cases. It is an emotional, frustrating battle for both parent and child.
I have a son who was diagnosed with Pervasive Development Disorder when he was 3 years old. He LOVED fans. Yes, fans. He would find fans in every building we went into and excitedly ask to watch them, touch them, count them. We would visit the "fan aisle" in Home Depot regularly. He also had a large collection of fans from box fans to handheld fans. (Large fan, Baby fan, etc.) His favorite (and still is) is a white oscillating fan from his Granny. If a fan broke, it was devastating to him. This was cute behavior at first, until we noticed that he didn't want to interact with people, only fans. Hmmm. So off to the psychologist we went for testing.
As the years have gone by, we have encountered many different troubling behaviors with him. He dislikes authority. The hierarchy of adult to child is not the same in his eyes. Adults, teachers and peers must earn his respect. You can imagine how his teachers have dealt with this. He has experienced depression, anxiety, seizures (behavioral), feelings of not belonging, not being understood, and self hate. Just going to school every day is TRAUMA. After vigorous testing when he was 10 years old, we came to learn that he has many signs of ADD, Aspergers, and being auditorally "gifted". I use quotes here because it is a gift to remember everything you hear, but it is also a terrible distraction to hear every single sound in a room. There was so much going on that no therapist wanted to work with him, the schools didn't know what to do with him, and medication just made him feel worse, in most cases. Now what???
Being the Taurus that I am, I was not about to give up on my boy. He had his shining moments of being truly happy. I wanted to give him more! That was when I found our "trifecta". My son's energy runs at an extremely high vibration, making him sensitive to chemicals and medications. (For more info on how to discover your frequency, I recommend Biofeedback with Balanced Living, LLC )Upon discovering this, I knew that we had to help him naturally. After many months of trying various supplements, we discovered a perfect combination for him. BiOmega from USANA and Nerium's EHT. Omega fatty acids are calming, and they are the perfect partner for the Mental supplement EHT, which helps with focus among other wonderful attributes! Please feel free to visit my products page to learn more about those. Yes, I sell them because I BELIEVE in sharing something that works after YEARS of RESEARCH!
So what is the third element of this amazing, life-changing "trifecta" that has helped my son? Reiki! Once I became empowered with Reiki, I was able to place healing hands on my son to calm him and ground him. After years of feeling so out of control, he his grateful to have something help him feel SAFE in his own body. Each time he lays down for a full session, he quickly falls asleep. Sometimes he just needs a quick Reiki hand to help him feel more centered or heal a small injury. The best decision- He is now empowered with Reiki, too. This means that Life Force Energy will constantly flow through him, forever. And he can self-reiki anytime he feels he needs it.
My son is now 15. He is thriving in school, taking some advanced courses. He is making friends (his "mates" as they call themselves). And he is HAPPY. What more could a parent ask for?
Have you considered yourself to be a Visionary? By definition a Visionary is a person who has clear ideas about what should happen or be done in the future, a person who has a powerful imagination, or a person who sees visions. Having and holding a vision for you or someone else is extremely powerful! I bet you didn't know that you do this in every role you take on, each and every day. We are all Visionaries!
Parents! We hold a vision for our children to be and achieve anything. Today they want to be an astronaut! Tomorrow a veterinarian! Letting our children know we support their desires through play when they're young, and ongoing support as they grow into adults, is their backbone in believing in themselves!
Business Leaders! Holding a Vision for your small business, or global empire creates an atmosphere of teamwork, belief, and ultimate success!
Coaches! Athletes train to have fun, and be successful! There are ups and downs in every athlete's career, and a coach who holds a vision for them, becomes a life-long beloved teacher and inspiration. How many coaches have gone down in history as great leaders!?! Even you as a little league soccer coach.
So if you've never thought of yourself as a visionary, think again! Who comes to mind when you think of a great Visionary? Ghandi, Thomas Edison, Rosa Parks, just to name a few. I'm guessing that they started out by being an Everyday Visionary, too :)
Welcome to my FIRST blog post! So, it's Saturday morning after Thanksgiving, and I'm sitting here under a warm cozy blanket with my breakfast shake and my purring kitty cat named Lily. I'm gratful that I don't have to rush around, get kids out the door, drive in traffic, or run a bunch of errands! Like many of you, I've enjoyed the traditional Thanksgiving feast, have had my leftovers, and am ready to put the rest of that turkey to good use! My family's favorite is White Turkey Chili! Since it is cold and snowy here, it will be perfect!
My Mom brought this recipe to my attention after enjoying it at her friend's house. We've made it every year for about the last 10 years! (and a few extra times during the year with roast chicken!) It's quick, simple, hearty and delicious! Here's what you'll need:
White Turkey Chili
1 large Onion, chopped
2 Garlic cloves, minced
1 Tbsp Olive Oil
1 tsp Ground Cumin
3/4 tsp Oregano
1/4 tsp Cayenne, or to taste. We like it zippy!
2 cups Chicken broth or stock from leftover turkey
2 cans Great Northern Beans, rinsed and drained
1 lb roast Turkey
2 oz. can Green Chili's
1-2 cups Monterey Jack Cheese, this depends on how thick and creamy you like your chili!
Cilantro, Green onion and Sour cream for garnish
This serves 4-6. Quite often I will double the recipe!
Heat Olive oil in a large pot. Add Onion and Garlic and cook until tender. Stir in Cumin, Oregano, and Cayenne and cook about 1 minute. Add chicken broth and beans, and bring to a boil. Carefully stir in turkey and green chilis. Simmer for 20-30 minutes. Before serving, stir in Monterey Jack cheese until melted and creamy. Serve with cilantro, green onion and sour cream for garnish. Yummy with a side of tortillas or corn bread!
I'd love to hear what you think of the recipe! As a new blogger I'm looking forward to connecting with all of you!